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Lou’s right words for every hard moment at work.

Asking for a raise. Pushing back on your boss. Your first 1:1 as a manager. Leaving a job well. Get the exact words, free, from someone who has spent his career studying why people love where they work.

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The Right Words: 30 word-for-word scripts

Copy-and-paste words for the conversations people dread, each with what to avoid and a note from Lou. No sign-up needed.

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The Right Words

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All 30 scripts

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Pay & offers

RW01 · Pay & offers · SPARK: K, Killer Achievement

Asking for a raise

When

You've been doing more, doing it well, and your pay hasn't moved. You want a real conversation, not a hint.

The words
  • Book it: "Could we set aside 30 minutes next week to talk about my role and my pay? I'd like to come prepared."
  • Open: "Thank you for making time. Over the past year my work has grown. I've taken on [new responsibility], delivered [result], and helped [team or person] with [outcome]. I'd like to talk about bringing my pay in line with that."
  • The ask: "Based on what I'm doing now and what similar roles pay, I'm asking for [specific number]. What would it take to get there?"
  • Then stop talking. Let them answer.
What to avoid
  • Making it about what you need (rent, tuition). Make it about the value you bring.
  • Threatening to leave unless you mean it and are ready to go.
  • Asking in a hallway or right after a bad week for the team.
Lou's note

The person who brings a clear number and a clear record makes it easy for their boss to say yes.

RW02 · Pay & offers · SPARK: A, Alignment of Values

Negotiating a job offer

When

You have an offer you're excited about, but the pay or terms aren't quite right.

The words
  • First, thank them: "Thank you. I'm genuinely excited about this role and the team."
  • Then ask: "Before I accept, I'd like to talk about the base salary. Based on the scope of the role and my experience with [skill or result], I was hoping for [specific number]. Is there flexibility there?"
  • If they say the salary is fixed: "I understand. Is there room on the start date, a signing bonus, extra time off, or a pay review at six months?"
  • Close warmly: "If we can get to [number or term], I'm ready to say yes."
What to avoid
  • Accepting on the spot because you're afraid of losing it. A day to think is normal.
  • Inventing a competing offer. If it isn't real, don't say it.
  • Negotiating by text in a hurry. Ask for a quick call.
Lou's note

A good employer expects you to ask. How they respond tells you a lot about how they'll treat you later.

RW03 · Pay & offers · SPARK: P, Positive Vision

Asking for a promotion

When

You're ready for the next level and you want your manager to help you get there, not just to notice you.

The words
  • "I'd like to talk about my growth here. I want to move into [role or level], and I want to earn it the right way."
  • "Here's what I'm already doing that fits that level: [two or three examples]. Where do you see gaps?"
  • "Could we agree on two or three things I'd need to show, and check in on them every month? If I do them, can we put the promotion on the table by [date]?"
What to avoid
  • Comparing yourself with a coworker by name.
  • Leaving without clear next steps and a date.
  • Treating it as one conversation. It's a series.
Lou's note

Don't ask your boss to guess what you want. Ask them to be your partner in getting it.

RW04 · Pay & offers · SPARK: A, Alignment of Values

When the answer is "not right now"

When

You asked for a raise or a promotion and heard "not now," "there's no budget," or "maybe next year."

The words
  • "Thank you for being straight with me. Help me understand: is it the timing, the budget, or something about my work?"
  • "What would need to be true for this to be a yes, and when?"
  • "Can we put that in writing, and set a date to revisit it? I'd like us both to know what we agreed."
What to avoid
  • Arguing in the moment. Get the facts first.
  • Sulking or quietly pulling back your effort. People notice.
  • Accepting "someday" with no date attached.
Lou's note

"Not now" is information. A clear path and a date is respect. No path at all is also an answer.

You & your boss

RW05 · You & your boss · SPARK: R, Respect

Pushing back on your boss's decision

When

Your boss made a call you think is wrong, and you want to say so without damaging the relationship.

The words
  • Ask privately first: "Do you have ten minutes? I want to share a concern about [decision] before we roll it out."
  • "I'm on board with the goal, which is [goal]. My concern is [specific risk]. Here's what I've seen: [fact or example]."
  • "Would you be open to [alternative], or to testing it with [small group] first?"
  • If they still say no: "Thanks for hearing me out. I'll make it work, and I'll let you know early if I see the risk showing up."
What to avoid
  • Pushing back for the first time in front of the whole team.
  • Making it personal: "You always..."
  • Saying yes in the room and dragging your feet afterward.
Lou's note

Disagree with the decision, never with the person. And once it's decided, make it work.

RW06 · You & your boss · SPARK: K, Killer Achievement

Saying no to extra work

When

Your plate is full and your boss just added something else to it.

The words
  • "I want to do this well. Right now I'm working on [A], [B], and [C]. If I take this on, something has to move."
  • "Which matters most to you this week? I can push [B] to [date], or hand [C] to [person]."
  • If it truly can't happen: "I can't take this on and do it well before [date]. I could start it on [date], or help find someone who can."
What to avoid
  • A flat "I'm too busy." It sounds like you don't care.
  • Saying yes to everything and missing deadlines quietly.
  • Apologizing over and over. Be kind and clear.
Lou's note

You're not saying no to your boss. You're asking them to choose what matters most.

RW07 · You & your boss · SPARK: A, Alignment of Values

Asking for flexibility

When

You need a different schedule or more remote days, and you want to ask in a way that makes yes easy.

The words
  • "I'd like to propose a change to how I work: [specific change, for example, remote on Tuesdays and Thursdays]."
  • "Here's how I'll make sure nothing slips: [how you'll stay reachable, how you'll hit deadlines]."
  • "Could we try it for six weeks and then look at the results together?"
What to avoid
  • Over-explaining personal reasons you'd rather keep private.
  • Asking for something open-ended. Be specific.
  • Pointing to what someone else gets. Make your own case.
Lou's note

Asking for a trial with a review date turns a big yes into a small, safe one.

RW08 · You & your boss · SPARK: P, Positive Vision

When everything is "urgent"

When

You keep getting conflicting priorities, and you can't tell what actually matters.

The words
  • "I want to make sure I'm putting my time where it counts. Can we rank these together?"
  • "If I can only finish one of these by Friday, which one should it be?"
  • "Here's the order I'll work in: [1, 2, 3]. Tell me if you'd change it."
What to avoid
  • Guessing and hoping you guessed right.
  • Complaining to coworkers instead of asking your boss.
  • Asking the same question every day. Agree on a quick weekly check instead.
Lou's note

Clarity is a gift you can ask for. Most bosses are relieved when someone does.

RW09 · You & your boss · SPARK: R, Respect

Giving feedback to your boss

When

Something your boss does is getting in the way of your work, and you think they'd want to know.

The words
  • Ask permission: "Would it be helpful if I shared one thing that would make me more effective?"
  • "When [specific behavior, for example, plans change after we've started], I end up [impact]. It would help if [request]."
  • "I'm telling you because I want us to do great work together."
What to avoid
  • Giving it in front of others.
  • Listing everything at once. Pick one thing.
  • Talking about their personality. Talk about one behavior.
Lou's note

Good leaders are starved for honest feedback. Give it the way you'd want to get it.

RW10 · You & your boss · SPARK: S, Systemic Collaboration

Disagreeing in a meeting

When

A decision is forming in the room, and you see a problem nobody has named.

The words
  • "Can I offer a different view before we decide?"
  • "I see the upside of [idea]. My worry is [risk]. One way to test it would be [option]."
  • "I may be missing something. What am I not seeing?"
What to avoid
  • Waiting until after the meeting to say it to someone else.
  • Attacking the person who proposed it.
  • Repeating your point louder. Say it once, clearly.
Lou's note

The meeting where nobody disagrees is usually the meeting where the mistake gets made.

Feedback

RW11 · Feedback · SPARK: R, Respect

Giving hard feedback to a coworker

When

A peer keeps doing something that affects your work, and it's time to say it directly.

The words
  • "Do you have a few minutes? There's something I'd rather tell you than let build up."
  • "In [situation], when [specific behavior], it meant [impact on you or the work]."
  • "Could we try [specific request] next time? And is there anything I'm doing that makes this harder?"
What to avoid
  • Using "always" or "never."
  • Going to their manager before you've talked to them.
  • Waiting until you're angry.
Lou's note

Kind and clear beats nice and vague. Vague feels polite, but it leaves the other person guessing.

RW12 · Feedback · SPARK: R, Respect

Receiving critical feedback

When

Someone just told you something hard about your work, and you feel the urge to defend yourself.

The words
  • "Thank you for telling me. That can't have been easy."
  • "Can you give me an example, so I really understand it?"
  • "Let me think about it, and I'll come back to you by [day] with what I'll change."
What to avoid
  • Explaining why they're wrong in the first minute.
  • Saying "fine" and shutting down.
  • Never following up. The follow-up is what builds trust.
Lou's note

You don't have to agree with every word. You only have to make it safe for them to tell you again.

RW13 · Feedback · SPARK: A, Alignment of Values

Responding to a performance review you think is unfair

When

Your review doesn't match what you believe you delivered, and you want it reconsidered.

The words
  • "Thank you for the review. I want to understand it fully before I respond."
  • Later, in writing or in a meeting: "I see some of this differently. On [goal], here's what I delivered: [facts, dates, results]."
  • "Could we look at this together? And what would you need to see from me to rate this differently next time?"
What to avoid
  • Reacting in the meeting itself. Ask for time.
  • Bringing up other people's ratings.
  • Arguing feelings. Bring facts.
Lou's note

Lead with the record, not the hurt. Facts give your manager a way to change their mind.

Coworkers

RW14 · Coworkers · SPARK: R, Respect

When someone takes credit for your work

When

A coworker presented your idea or your work as theirs.

The words
  • In the moment, calmly: "Thanks for raising that. I'd love to add some detail, since I built that analysis."
  • Privately, afterward: "In the meeting, [idea] came across as yours. I put a lot into it. Next time, can we present it together or name who did what?"
  • Going forward, with your boss: "Quick update on [project]: here's where I am, what I delivered this week, and what's next."
What to avoid
  • Calling them out in front of everyone.
  • Assuming bad intent before you've talked.
  • Doing nothing and letting resentment grow.
Lou's note

Make your work visible as you go. It's the best protection there is, and it isn't bragging.

RW15 · Coworkers · SPARK: R, Respect

When you keep getting interrupted

When

Someone talks over you in meetings, again and again.

The words
  • In the moment: "I'd like to finish my point, then I want to hear yours."
  • Privately: "I've noticed I often get cut off in our meetings. I don't think you mean it, but it makes it hard for me to contribute. Can you help me with that?"
  • For others: "I don't think [name] finished. [Name], what were you saying?"
What to avoid
  • Raising your voice to win the moment.
  • Staying silent for the rest of the meeting.
  • Labeling the person. Describe the behavior.
Lou's note

Everyone in the room deserves to finish a sentence. Protect that for others, too.

RW16 · Coworkers · SPARK: S, Systemic Collaboration

Repairing things after a conflict

When

You and a coworker had a tense moment, and things have been awkward since.

The words
  • "I've been thinking about our conversation on [day]. I didn't handle my part well, and I'm sorry for [specific thing]."
  • "I value working with you. Can we talk about how we'd handle it next time?"
  • "What would help from my side?"
What to avoid
  • Waiting for them to go first.
  • A fake apology: "I'm sorry if you were upset."
  • Reopening the whole argument.
Lou's note

Whoever repairs first isn't the weaker one. They're the one who cares more about the work.

RW17 · Coworkers · SPARK: A, Alignment of Values

Setting a boundary on after-hours messages

When

Messages arrive at night and on weekends, and you feel you have to answer right away.

The words
  • "I want to be responsive and still rest so I do good work. Here's my plan: I'll answer messages from [time] to [time]. If something is truly urgent, call me."
  • "Does that work for you? Is there anything that would need a faster answer?"
  • Then keep the boundary, and keep your promise on urgent calls.
What to avoid
  • Ignoring messages with no explanation.
  • Announcing it with frustration.
  • Breaking your own boundary the first week.
Lou's note

A boundary you explain once and keep steadily is easier to respect than one you defend every night.

Rough patches

RW18 · Rough patches · SPARK: K, Killer Achievement

Owning a mistake

When

You made a mistake that affects others, and you need to tell your boss or team.

The words
  • "I need to flag something. I made a mistake on [what], and here's the impact: [impact]."
  • "Here's what I've already done to fix it: [action]. Here's what's still needed: [next step]."
  • "And here's what I'll change so it doesn't happen again: [change]."
What to avoid
  • Waiting and hoping nobody notices.
  • Blaming the system or someone else first.
  • Over-apologizing. Own it, fix it, move forward.
Lou's note

People rarely remember the mistake. They remember how fast and how honestly you owned it.

RW19 · Rough patches · SPARK: P, Positive Vision

Returning from leave

When

You're back after parental, medical, or family leave, and you want a clear, confident start.

The words
  • "It's good to be back. Could we spend 30 minutes catching me up on what changed and what matters most now?"
  • "Here's what I'd like to take back first: [work]. And here's what I need for the first few weeks: [for example, a set end time on certain days]."
  • "Can we check in after two weeks to see how it's going?"
What to avoid
  • Apologizing for having been away.
  • Trying to catch up on everything in week one.
  • Staying quiet if your role or work has changed in a way that feels unfair. Ask HR how it works.
Lou's note

You don't need to prove you never left. You need a clear plan for what comes next.

RW20 · Rough patches · SPARK: S, Systemic Collaboration

Telling your boss you're overwhelmed

When

You're running on empty, and the work is starting to suffer.

The words
  • "I want to be honest with you before it affects the work. I'm stretched too thin right now."
  • "Here's what's on my plate: [list]. I can do [these] well. I need help with [this]: more time, a handoff, or permission to drop it."
  • "What would you suggest?"
What to avoid
  • Waiting until you're at breaking point.
  • Framing it as a weakness. It's information your boss needs.
  • Sharing more personal detail than you're comfortable with.
Lou's note

Saying "I'm stretched" early is professional. Burning out quietly helps no one. If you're struggling with your health, please talk to a professional too.

RW21 · Rough patches · SPARK: P, Positive Vision

After you're passed over for a promotion

When

Someone else got the role you wanted, and you want to understand why and what's next.

The words
  • "I was disappointed not to get the role, and I'd like to learn from it."
  • "What did [the other person] bring that I need to build? Be as direct as you can."
  • "What would a realistic path to that level look like for me, and how soon?"
  • And to the person who got it: "Congratulations. I'm glad to support you."
What to avoid
  • Criticizing the person who got the job.
  • Making a decision about leaving the same day.
  • Pretending you're not disappointed. Calm honesty is fine.
Lou's note

How you handle the no is often what earns you the next yes.

Leading people

RW22 · Leading people · SPARK: R, Respect

Your first 1:1 as a new manager

When

You've just become someone's manager, and this first conversation sets the tone.

The words
  • "This time is for you, not for status updates. I'd like to get to know how you work best."
  • "What do you enjoy most about your work? What drains you?"
  • "What did a past manager do that really helped you? What should I never do?"
  • "How do you like to get feedback, and how often should we meet?"
  • Close: "Here's what you can expect from me: [two or three promises]."
What to avoid
  • Doing most of the talking.
  • Announcing big changes in the first week.
  • Making promises you can't keep.
Lou's note

Your first job as a manager is to learn what each person needs to do their best work.

RW23 · Leading people · SPARK: A, Alignment of Values

Managing people who used to be your peers

When

You were promoted over your former teammates, and things feel different.

The words
  • "I know this is a change for both of us. I'd rather talk about it than pretend it isn't."
  • "I value our relationship, and I also have a new responsibility to the whole team. That means I'll need to be fair to everyone, even when it's awkward."
  • "What would make this work well for you?"
What to avoid
  • Pretending nothing has changed.
  • Overcorrecting and becoming distant or bossy.
  • Sharing confidential information to stay liked.
Lou's note

You can stay friendly without being their friend first. Fairness is what keeps the respect.

RW24 · Leading people · SPARK: K, Killer Achievement

Talking to someone who is underperforming

When

A team member's work isn't where it needs to be, and hints haven't worked.

The words
  • "I want to talk about [specific area], because I want you to succeed here."
  • "Here's what I've seen: [specific examples]. Here's what good looks like: [standard]."
  • "What's getting in the way? Is it clarity, skills, workload, or something else?"
  • "Let's agree on two things to improve in the next [time period], and meet every week to check progress."
What to avoid
  • Surprising them. Nothing in this talk should be brand new.
  • Talking about attitude. Talk about results and behaviors.
  • Leaving without a written plan.
Lou's note

Clarity is kindness. Most people who struggle were never told plainly what good looks like.

RW25 · Leading people · SPARK: R, Respect

Letting someone go

When

The decision to end someone's employment has been made. You need to tell them with dignity.

The words
  • Before the meeting: confirm the decision, the paperwork, and the next steps with HR and, where needed, legal counsel.
  • "I have difficult news. We've made the decision to end your employment, effective [date]."
  • "I know this is hard to hear. [HR partner] is here to walk you through pay, benefits, and next steps."
  • "I appreciate what you contributed, especially [something true and specific]."
What to avoid
  • Long small talk before the news. Say it in the first minute.
  • Debating the decision. It has already been made.
  • Doing it by email or in a public place.
Lou's note

The news can be hard and the conversation can still be respectful. People remember how you treated them on their last day.

RW26 · Leading people · SPARK: P, Positive Vision

Telling your team about layoffs

When

Your company has cut jobs, and your remaining team is anxious and looking at you.

The words
  • "Today [number of people or teams] lost their jobs, including people we worked closely with. I'm sad about it, and it's okay if you are too."
  • "Here's what I know: [facts you're allowed to share]. Here's what I don't know yet: [unknowns]. I'll tell you as soon as I can."
  • "I'd like to talk with each of you one-on-one this week. Bring any question you have."
What to avoid
  • Saying "there will be no more layoffs" unless you're certain.
  • Spin like "this is great news for our future."
  • Disappearing behind closed doors. Be visible.
Lou's note

In hard weeks, people don't need you to have every answer. They need you to tell the truth and stay close.

RW27 · Leading people · SPARK: K, Killer Achievement

Recognizing great work

When

Someone did something excellent, and you want them to feel it was truly seen.

The words
  • "I want to call out what you did on [project]. When you [specific action], it meant [impact on the team, customer, or result]."
  • "That's exactly the kind of work that makes this team great. Thank you."
  • Then, if they're comfortable with it, tell others too.
What to avoid
  • A generic "great job, everyone."
  • Waiting until the annual review.
  • Praising in public someone who would hate the spotlight. Ask first.
Lou's note

Specific praise costs nothing and lasts for years. Say what they did and why it mattered.

RW28 · Leading people · SPARK: A, Alignment of Values

Delivering a decision you didn't make

When

Leadership made a call you have to roll out to your team, and you have mixed feelings about it.

The words
  • "Here's the decision: [decision]. Here's the reason it was made: [reason]."
  • "I raised some questions about it myself, and I'm committed to making it work. Here's what it means for us: [impact]."
  • "What concerns do you have? I'll take the ones I can't answer back to leadership."
What to avoid
  • "Don't blame me, it came from above." It weakens everyone.
  • Pretending you love it if you don't.
  • Promising you can reverse it.
Lou's note

You can be honest about your questions and still be loyal to the decision. That's what leadership looks like in the middle.

Career moves

RW29 · Career moves · SPARK: R, Respect

Resigning well

When

You've accepted a new job, and you want to leave with your relationships and reputation intact.

The words
  • Tell your boss first, in person or on a call: "I wanted you to hear this from me first. I've accepted a new role, and my last day will be [date]."
  • "I'm grateful for [something true and specific]. I'd like to leave things in great shape. Here's my plan for handing off my work."
  • If they ask why: "It was an opportunity I couldn't pass up. It isn't about anything that went wrong here." (Only say this if it's true. If not, keep it brief and kind.)
What to avoid
  • Telling coworkers before your boss.
  • Using the exit conversation to list every grievance.
  • Checking out in your last two weeks.
Lou's note

Leave the way you'd want to be remembered. Careers are long and the world is small.

RW30 · Career moves · SPARK: S, Systemic Collaboration

Testing the culture in a job interview

When

You're interviewing and want to know what it's really like to work there before you say yes.

The words
  • "Tell me about the last time someone here disagreed with a leader. What happened next?"
  • "How does a new person know they're doing well in the first 90 days?"
  • "What's something this team celebrated recently?"
  • "Why did the last person in this role leave, or move on?"
What to avoid
  • Only asking about perks.
  • Accepting vague answers. Ask for an example.
  • Skipping the chance to talk to a future peer, not just the hiring manager.
Lou's note

Stories don't lie the way slogans can. Ask for the story, and listen to how they tell it.

These scripts are general guidance, not legal or HR advice. For harassment, discrimination, safety or legal questions, talk to HR or an employment lawyer.

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Louis Carter
About Lou

Louis Carter

Louis Carter is an organizational psychologist and the founder and CEO of Best Practice Institute and Most Loved Workplace®. For more than 25 years he's studied one question: why do some people love where they work while others just get through the week? He's the author of In Great Company (McGraw-Hill) and creator of SPARK, the five things that make people love work: Systemic Collaboration, Positive Vision, Alignment of Values, Respect, and Killer Achievement.

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Is this legal or HR advice?

No. It's general guidance for everyday work conversations. For harassment, discrimination, safety or legal questions, talk to HR or an employment lawyer.

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